A tale of a texting relationship

I just read an interesting post about why some men are still single, and one of the reasons listed was that they text a woman instead of calling her. This reminds me of an extreme case of this addiction to texting that several men I have dated seem to have...

The first look we gave each other was while we were steppin' it out in step class at (you guessed it) the gym. I didn't really pay attention to him for the many Mondays we stepped across the room from each during step class, but then one night I saw him at a community event in a suit. That's when I knew it was destiny, lol. I even found out that one of my older co-workers knew his family well and vouched that this was an "honorable" man. (Take note of the word "honorable" and tell me after you read this if this is an accurate description of "Mr. Smooth Texter" (Mr. ST)). It turns out that Mr. ST was also around my age and a successful banker. On top of all of this, he actually seemed interested in me. This was going well. So we started talking at the gym every time we saw each other and ended up exchanging e-mails. Everything seemed OK until I realized he wasn't really making any moves to ask me out. Finally, one day he asked what my plans were for an upcoming weekend, and I knew I was finally going to go on a date. I ended up telling him that I had plans to go to a movie, and then he pretty much invited himself along. OK, so maybe this wasn't the best way to ask a woman out, but come on, he was a successful banker and into community service and the gym! I could cut him some slack. You can imagine my surprise though when Saturday came and an hour before the movie, I still had not heard from him. I, being the the independent woman that I am, went to the movies solo, and about 20 minutes into the movie received a text from Mr. ST saying that he had overslept from a nap and was on his way in his PJ's. The text was pretty much signed, "please don't judge." This was the beginning of our texting relationship.

For the next month or so we went out a few more times, and then I invited him over to watch the Olympics. It turned out he liked to cuddle, and you know by reading my other posts that I don't mind that one bit. However, next thing I know, he is texting me to come over and watch the Olympics rather than going out. I promise when I say that he never made a move--never even tried to kiss me. I found this really strange, but I wasn't going to push the issue because frankly I was glad to be with a guy who wasn't trying to pressure me into anything that I wasn't going to do anyway. After a few nights of this, however, I brought up the fact that we never actually went out anymore. He kind of laughed off the subject and then our relationship became all about the texting. A week later I got a text from him that read something like, "I would come over again, but I'm not sure if I could control myself." Hmm... I pretty much brushed it off and decided this guy was too weird. Here he had had plenty of opportunities to try and pursue something physical with me and now here he was dropping sexual innuendos via texting. So much for being "honorable" and available.

And would you believe that a year later, I'm still getting text messages of this nature from him. I still see him around town quite a bit since he is involved in some of the same things as me. What's crazy though is that after every time I see him, within a few hours, he sends me a text that reads something like, "Good seeing you. You looked GOOD!! :) I really wanted to jump you." I know you're probably thinking that I must be replying for him to still be sending me these types of text messages, but I promise you, if I do respond, it's usually just to say that I enjoyed the event. I mean, why in the world does he still send me texts like this a year later?

Yes, Mr. ST completely baffles me. I really can't think of a lesson I've learned about myself through my interactions with him, except that I should just tell him how crazy I think he is and tell him the texting must come to an end. One of these days I will finally reach my breaking point and break up with him...via text of course :-)

Giving props

So I've finally decided on more of a structure for my first blog. I've been kind of down lately because I once again find myself liking someone, who I believe does not have the same feelings. I think it's fitting that right now I'm listening to Jordin Sparks's "Battlefield." Sometimes the dating world really does feel like a battlefield, and a lot of times, I feel like I'm on the losing end. I know that I'm supposed to be out there enjoying myself (at least that's what all of my married and older friends tell me), but it can be rough when you think you've really found someone, but then it doesn't work out. I've been on this dating streak for over a year now, and sometimes I feel really jaded. So when that happens, I give myself a pep talk and always ask myself what I'm gaining rather than picturing what I'm losing by not being in a relationship and on my way to married bliss. And you know what? Every time I can think of something I learned about myself or the world. No matter if it was one date, or three months of dating, I can think of something I've learned from every guy who has come into my life.

From now on, at the end of each post, I'm going to put the lesson learned from that particular person and/or situation. I haven't found Mr. Right yet, but I sure have found out a lot about myself, how I view the world, and sometimes, how the world my view me.

So here goes my first attempt at this. I'm going to try and remember something I've learned from each guy I've talked about so far. It would be an injustice to leave any of them out. This is their time to shine. After all, I'm basically saying that they have left some sort of imprint on my life, and we all know how good it feels to think we've done that for someone. It's that silly thing called an ego.

PT#1: He has no clue that just by going out with me twice that he helped open my eyes to the fact that I was attractive to other men. I honestly never thought men took notice of me until this hot trainer took the time to notice me--a lot. He even found my sweat attractive. If a man with a six-pack for abs wanted me, then that meant there had to be others out there who would feel the same. He liberated me from feeling as though I would never stand out in a crowd and started me on my journey of confidence-building that has made me the sexy woman I am today.

PT#2: I'm still learning from PT#2 since he is now a friend of mine, but I think what he has shown me so far is that I can resist sheer sexiness. I mean this man is hot, but I know better than to do anything but cuddle with him and be his friend because I would just end up getting hurt. It turns out that there are instances when I can protect myself from unnecessary heartbreak.

Teddy Bear: He taught me that there are different styles of kissing, and that I had been missing out. Ok, that sounds pretty shallow, but it's true. Did I mention he was a good kisser? Ha ha. He also taught me to let loose every now and go ahead and make out in a car when the mood called for it. It's all good to be young at heart every now and then.

Mr. I. Ooze. Sexiness: I'm still learning from him as well, but I think it was pretty clear in my post about him that I learned that motivations can change--and for the better.

I think that covers everyone so far. I'm excited about this new format because it means that I'll really live up to the title of this blog. Dating and self-discovery can be one in the same for me. Maybe I would have learned these things about myself without these men coming into my life, but they definitely helped to speed up the learning process.

Mr. I. Ooze. Sexiness

The things we do to get a man's attention. Sometimes I really wonder if it's worth it, but I'm finding that whether it works or not, I usually get something out it. Sometimes that "something" is much better than what used to be the object of my attention...

Today I worked myself so hard in the gym that my arms felt like spaghetti, and there were a couple of times when I was doing mountain climbers when the world seemed to go black for a few seconds. Why push myself so hard? It was all for Mr. I. Ooze. Sexiness (Mr. IOS for short). Mr. IOS is a gym instructor and a darn good one. (Yes, yet again another gym guy. I told you 90% of the men I end up dating come from the gym! Maybe I've discovered a new way of motivating myself to continue to work out and lose weight--what if I could gain some fun dates with a new guy for every 5 pounds I lost? Something to think about on a rainy day...) Back to Mr. IOS. I've known Mr. IOS for the last year or so. He taught some of the classes I took at my old gym, but he teaches a lot of the classes that I love to take at my new gym. He loves to call me out in front of the class and pick on me. Earlier in our year of getting to know each other through his barking orders and my sweating, I finally told him that he would need to know my name in order to pick on me in class. Now he uses it a lot, and I can say that I truly don't mind at all :)

I've been purposely getting to class early in order to talk with him prior, and today I decided to impress him more so than ever by not giving him a lot of mean looks and doing what he said to do without one ounce of complaint. I pushed myself to limits I didn't know existed, and by the end of the class, I was so worn out yet proud of myself that I had forgotten all about my Mr. IOS motivation. Isn't that funny how sometimes our motivations can completely change, and this time it was for the better. Yes, I will continue to go to the classes early to flirt with Mr. IOS, but I will be pushing myself for me next time. And if Mr. IOS picks up on that, then so be it. I won't mind one bit.

Risk or Miss

I was walking into my new gym today when a guy clearly eyed me as he held the door for me. Normally I would take this as invitation to make some type of flirty comment and end up exchanging contact information before my final sit-up of the night. (Believe me, I have this gym thing down.) For some reason today though, I just said "thank you" and kept walking. It's not that the guy wasn't attractive. In fact, I can still see his pretty eyes, and I'm sorta kicking myself for not saying anything. Maybe I've become jaded. After all, if combined, my dating pools at the gyms I've been to would overfill the Olympic-sized swimming pool at my current gym. Yet, I wouldn't be writing this blog if it hadn't been for these guys. I've learned a lot from them and had a lot of fun in the process, even though I've been disappointed on numerous occasions to find that it wasn't going to work out with any of them.

Here's an example for both you and me: the summer of 2007. I had asked my boyfriend of 4 years to take a break so that we could date other people (Yes, we did end up getting back together for another year, but that's for another day). I ended up going out with the guy who had signed me up for my gym membership the very next week. He was HUGE! He was like a big teddy bear. Teddy bear and I started hanging out and spent most of the summer months together. For such a snuggly teddy bear, he was a "bad boy"--another first for me. One night after hanging out in a bar, we went back to his car with tinted windows and made out in the car for 3 hours. I felt like a teenager for the first time. I never had a curfew growing up because I was such a goody two shoes that my parents knew I wouldn't do anything crazy. What made it even funnier is that I had just moved to my current city and was staying with my aunt and uncle until my apartment became free. They ended up calling me because they were worried when I hadn't come home. Here I was at the age of 25 feeling as though I had just broken curfew. Ha ha.

In the end, teddy bear didn't fail to disappoint. At the time, he was being kicked out of his apartment, and at one point, I was naive enough to help him pay for a hotel room while he transitioned to a new place. It was a crazy thing for me to do, but I felt bad because I honestly believe he was without a place to live. Silly me, but it's a learning process, right? Plus, he was the most amazing kisser I had ever encountered. To this day, I remember those kisses and can only hope that the man I end up with can kiss like that. I've had a lot of guys tell me that I'm like a high school girl who will make out but not put out. I used to feel bad about it, but now I don't care. I'm a sexy, strong woman who likes to make out but respects her body and emotions enough to wait to completely reveal herself to a man. What's so wrong with that? Nothing, I say. Absolutely nothing.

Teddy bear was worth the risk and serves as a lesson that even if it doesn't work out with someone, you can still gain something from going out with them. Next time I see "pretty eyes" at the gym, I'm going to be my usual flirtatious self. After all, he could be "the one" or at least the one to have fun with for a while :)

Cuddle (not Cuddy) Buddies

So I have a huge confession to make...I love having cuddle buddies.

I found my first cuddle buddy last August, and yes, he is a personal trainer as well (PT#2). We had been flirting in the gym for almost a year. I have to confess that I was in a relationship for most of this year, but there's nothing wrong with some innocent flirting here and there, right? Anyway, I had just been dumped in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, and I was lonely. PT#2 had asked me to come over to help him pack since he was moving to his first house, and I happily agreed to have something else to do after work besides going to the gym. The first time I came home, but the second time I stayed the night. Now let me tell you: there is no doubt that I am attracted to this man. I mean after all, he is a personal trainer. However, as I got to know him over the year, he openly admitted that he was not looking for a relationship and was only into one thing. At the same time, I had made it pretty clear to him that I was the exact opposite, so it came to be that we decided to settle on being friends with cuddle benefits. At first, I just spent one night in his old apartment, but then when the cold of the winter months settled in, I found myself going over to his new house on the regular to stay warm. I only asked to stay once--he contacted me all of the other times. We never crossed the line and only used one another for the physical comfort cuddling can bring. We're still good friends and go out occasionally but now that the hot summer months have settled in and PT#2 has decided to try a committed relationship for the first time in the last 10 years, we've taken a break from our cuddle time. I have to admit that I miss it.

One of my close female friends doesn't understand the whole cuddle buddy thing. She continually asks me PT#2 and I can resist the sexual attraction that is no doubt there. She made me question my sanity, but a close male friend of mine told me that I needed to be questioning PT#2's sanity instead. After all, he is a man, and he had different women over all of the time who were willing to satisfy him in traditional ways. Why in the world was he texting me to come over and cuddle? I figured I was filling a void that a girlfriend would have filled if he was really ready to be committed to someone. My guy friend felt the same way and became understandably worried that PT#2 and I would develop feelings for one another, and I would end up getting hurt when he returned to his player ways. However, this never happened. PT#2 showed me that it could be possible to have a cuddle buddy without having to worry about sex or being in a committed relationship--sometimes a girl just wants to be held. I say more power to cuddle buddies and to the women who have them.

Trainers

I joined a new gym today, and my friends are already asking me when I'm going out on a date with a new guy. It turns out when it comes to my "type" of man, personal trainers tend to fit the bill. Several of the men I have dated over the last year have been men that either worked at my gym or worked out as much as I did. I don't know what it is. The only thing I can think is that I am more confident in the gym than in other place or point in time. I really believe that confidence--not looks--is what attracts a man. Sure enough, the personal trainer who showed me how to work some of the machines today asked me out. It leads me to think of my first personal trainer...

About 4.5 years ago I joined a gym and have been addicted to working out ever since. I lost 60 pounds and came to see how working out could help me stay true to my love of food. The first gym I joined was an all-women's gym, and by the time I joined a coed gym, I had lost about 40 pounds and was feeling confident. I was also living at home and saving lots of money, so I decided to treat myself to personal training. That's when I met Personal Trainer #1 (PT1). (Yes, #1 because there are more to come...) It was clear from the start that there was a spark between PT1 and me. I didn't think I would be able to workout with someone I was attracted to watching my every move, but it turns out guys really dig a sweaty woman.

I knew that I was headed down a dangerous path when during our 4th session PT1 decided to put me through an hour of cardio hell. At the end when I asked why he had focused on cardio, he said that it was to test my stamina and gave me that sly wink us ladies know all too well. 10 sessions later and 15 pounds lighter, I ended up getting a job that required me to move. Considering PT1 was no longer my trainer and that I was moving, I decided to go out with him just to say that I had gone out with a guy who made my head spin. It was one of the best dates ever because all I did was stare at him, and it was a beautiful sight to see. I even got a kiss at the end. Thankfully I didn't swoon. So of course, I found myself wanting to see him again. I actually drove home two weekends later just to see him (5 hour drive!), but then he ended up standing me up for some of his friends. It was then that I realized my one date was all I was going to get. Good thing--he later ended up losing his job for hitting on his boss's daughter and losing his driving privileges to a DUI--definitely not the type of man to take home to momma.

What's this all about?

A little over a year ago my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me in a Barnes and Noble parking lot (more on this later). Surprisingly, I found myself thrown into the dating world less than a week later (more on this later as well). Since then, I have seen a world that I never knew existed. Dating has been a roller coaster for me that I contemplate getting off all of the time. But don't those of us who love roller coasters always contemplate getting off right before the ride takes you plummeting down a huge hill? And then don't we get off and go and find a bigger and better roller coaster to try out? Yes, dating has been this way for me, and this blog is all about the men I've met and what they've showed me about dating and myself. It's also going to be about finding ways to take charge of my life and becoming the person I want to be in order to finally be open to meeting the person I want to eventually share my life with. What a task!

The structure of this blog is iffy (especially since it's the first time I've ever had one!), but I imagine writing about a present-day event and then linking it back to one of my many (in)famous dating stories that my friends and family have come to love.

For all of you out there who have ever been on the dating scene, I hope my stories bring you some laughs and also some "Amens." I hope that you'll comment and tell your stories and let people like me know that we're not alone in this crazy dating world.